"A Big Pot Full Of Bum": GNamer Forum Cr@p Game Reviews Thread

Cabella Big Game Hunter"

I know Cappa has said replier 1 got game 1 and so on, but he did send me something that I might of liked as my favourite game in Wii Sports is the bowling.

Wii Sports Bowling is the Citizen Kane of bowling games compared to this shovelware crap I've played all afternoon.

The game doesn't go to full screen and it came out 2007, I know the Wii isn't HD or anything but make it at least fit a screen of a modern TV even in 2007 if you didn't have a HDTV you might of had a widescreen.

There seems to be only one or two soundtracks which get boring quick also the game looks like it was released on the ps1 in about the year 2000.

There's two modes in quick play you select from various characters whom have different stats then select your location which makes no sense as your in a bowling alley it will look the same if in London or Timbuktu, if this was a fun bowling game then maybe but this is meant to be realistic hence Brunswick branding, when you have picked your character when you play a game you can select which ball you want to use and even see oil marks on the ally to figure out your game plan.

Then you bowl well I say that but it doesn't seem want to recognise the B button on the wiimote to do the bowling action, it takes a good few presses to get it to work.

I did start the career mode and won the first tournament which took a while to do just to the sheer lack of control input.

That I gave up going any further with it, but I did think there might be something wrong with my wiimote that I put in Link's Crossbow Training which compared to Brunswick Bowling is the best game ever also the wiimote works fine.

2/10 as the disc can be used as a coaster or to shovel up actual crap

Another one that could have been intended for the man who got it (because, y'know, ballads and music and that).  

I vaguely remembered this getting a 48% or something like that in NGC, so I was almost disappointed on opening it.  Mediocre, not absolute guff.  Thought I might even try to enjoy it.  The character design was awry, sure, with Major Minor looking as enthusiastic about being in his game as I was about playing it; but it featured a green monkey and a tuba-playing walrus, so it's obviously not all bad.

I should have had more faith in Cappa.


So Stoner Minor and his mate Tom live in a world where, as the nauseatingly high-pitched American narratress tells us, drum majors are, like, totally cool.  Major Error then picks up a baton which somehow manages to have an even fouler voice than Ms. Saccharine (probably the same girl after she's had her larynx slashed), and who uses the excuse of making Data Miner into a, like, totally cool drum major to not stop talking.  

Ever.


Rule number one of a music game: have decent music.  Rule number absolutely bloody one.  I started proceedings, and was met by the sound of a trumpet and a whoopee cushion's illegitimate progeny being shoved through a wood chipper, played by character models that would make the N64 blush.

The rest of the soundtrack hits varying levels of MIDI brass and percussion that actually isn't too repugnant, if a little heavy on the nursery rhymes.  But it's aimed at kids, so fair enough.  The first level, entertainingly enough, is whatever piece "Hitler's only got one ball" was originally before its adaptation.  So salvageable, if there's a decent game underneath it.


Then we reach rule number two of a music game, or rule number one of most other genres: make the game actually work.  And here MMMM forgets that it's a game and dozes off, much like its tired-looking protagonist.

The game asks you to masturbate the Wiimote in time with the appropriate beat, leaning it to one side or t'other to pick up items.  This is tiring and unrewarding when it does work, requiring a sustained level of vigorous wanking throughout the three-minute long level.  

But it doesn't work.  The Wiimote is not the most precise instrument, and MMMM mmmmissed that particular mmmmemo.  The game asks you to set a pace that can't be done with any precision, then wants you to lean over but forgets how to let you do so.  

"Try to collect all of the whistles!" the game rasps.  "I AM TRYING YOU ABSCESS," I roar back.

Mad flailing the order of the day, then?  Absolutely!  And on the only difficulty setting initially available ("Beginner"), that seems to be sufficient anyway.  So why bother in the first place?  

Erm, good question.


This game is horrendous.  Adults will object to the hideous art and childish tunes.  Children will object to the tiring and unrewarding gameplay.  And all ages will object to the voice acting, and playing a game that is fundamentally broken and dull.

Ironic, that a game starring a Major and Tom is lacking ground control.

Broken / 10